Failed Business Pitches

In today’s world, anyone can be an entrepreneur—but should anyone? You tell me. Here are some of my best business pitches and patents that have yet to see the light of day.

BROTHSICLES: ORIGINAL MEATY TREATS

Who doesn’t love broth and popsicles? These protein-packed frozen snacks are paleo and keto friendly, just the right choice for a savory summer day.

featuring sample flavors like not hot ham water, Pho-zen goodness, and whipped beef

EASY-BAKED: COOKING MADE SIMPLE FOR STONERS

Love to make food when you’re high, but can’t be trusted in the kitchen? The Easy-Baked Oven and meal kits make the munchies safe and fun. Say goodbye to grease fires and hello to processed perfection.

THE DODO DOJO: EXTINCT ANIMAL PETTING ZOO

Dinosaurs aren’t the only cool extinct creatures. At the Dodo Dojo, you can watch the wooly mammoths, feed the great Auks, and even pet desert rat kangaroos, plus a number of other ancient birds, mammals, and small reptiles. All of the excitement of Jurassic Park with way less annual fatalities.

THE BARKELORETTE:

A dating show like none other, where contestants compete against really cute canines. Will our bachelorette leave with the love of her life, or the dog of her dreams?