120 THOUGHTS ON SASQUATCH 2016
Man, am I getting too old for this?
The answer is no, but damn, this festival grew since last time I was in its clutches, three years ago. The stages are bigger, the vendors more colorful, and its audience more diverse (which isn't saying a whole lot). This year I returned with two fresh faces by my side, and each of us were keen on seeing as many artists this year as possible. Success? Yes. Due to poor signal, battery life, and in general unwanting to be burdened/distracted, I left my phone at camp. But if it was by my side, here are some of the things I would've tweeted as they ran through my head during the five days I spent at the Gorge Amphitheater.
-Day 1-
1. Has it always been this windy at the Gorge? Did I forget this part? Nope, there goes our canopy. *Looks off into the distance* And theirs, and theirs...
2. Have they inflated the cost of margaritas? How much alcohol can I fit in this flask without it looking like my behind is somehow deformed?
3. Huh, much less cultural appropriation this year! We just gotta work on those sombreros and tribal paint and uh... maybe we should just prevent 40% of the bros from entering.
4. I'm convinced Oh Wonder is the same band as Of Monsters and Men, just with less people.
5. Still curious as to the naming process of Unknown Mortal Orchestra. Also Paul Klein from LANY literally looks like this surfer dude that tried to smell my hair at a bar in Laguna Beach one time.
6. Well, they are from LA, maybe it was him... should I have let him?
7. Ah, nothing like a good bagel slathered in cream cheese for a well-balanced dinner.
8. Alina Baraz is the most sensual thing I have ever seen on stage in my life. And I've been to two strip clubs before.
9. Welp, 45 minutes late and A$AP still sucks. Please just play "LSD" so I can leave.
10. Is it pronounced Todd Tergsh or Ter-je or Tur-guh..? Ooh, this is good.
11. *Looking around during Disclosure* I guarantee at least 4 backpacks are going to hit us in the face during this.
12. Holy shit, they can actually sing. I don't even care if I get hit in the face at this point, it's thoroughly melted off already.
13. Must. Have. Energy.
14. Dear Chet Faker, please have my children.
15. Shuttle service = clutch.
-Day 2-
16. Why does Tangerine have to play so damn early? Ooh. Hold up. Worth it.
17. Raury is pumping some seriously good vibes right now. Dat voice though.
18. Yes, Matt Corby, sing me to sleep on this gorgeous hill. I will never get sick of this view.
29. Natasha Leggero is married now? Is she still funny?
30. Oh god, now her and Moshe are doing counseling advice. This poor couple. That young woman looks so, so high right now.
31. Back 2 the hill for Lord Huron! I think all of this moving around will help balance the alcohol and junk food I've been consuming, no?
32. Okay M. Ward and Blind Pilot, make me feel things.
33. M. Ward kind of looks like Mark Ruffalo.
34. Who is this Kevin Garrett baby? Holy shit, is this Beyonce? Is this kid a wizard? I wanna be in your Instagram!
35. (At M83) Am I the only one who knows more than "Midnight City" here?
36. WAIT HOW DID I NOT KNOW THEY WERE FRENCH. THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.
37. As I stare longingly at the female keyboardist/vocalist on stage, I can't help but think of the words of Ilana Glazer from Broad City: "I can't tell if I want to be you or be in you."
38. Post M83: I feel more enlightened than any time I've been to church.
39. Damn, Marian Hill has one hell of a voice.
40. But I might actually die at this Major Lazer show. Ladies, brace yourselves.
41. Is that... Dr. Steve Brule? Omg, it is. I don't know what is happening right now but I like it.
42. Diplo takes off his shirt, only to put it back on two songs later. P.S. Is he a dad?
43. Anddddd we're jumping! And jumping, jumping, jumping... How is everyone still jumping? Why did I wear heeled boots??
44. Oh no, god, please don't make us all run to the right, I'm not ready for the stampede.
45. The best kind of rain is definitely confetti rain.
46. I pity who ever has to clean this hot, hot mess.
47. Wow, coming from Major Lazer to Tycho is like going to a Buddhist temple after a brothel. Still lit though.
48. Now for being herded out like cattle, yay!
49. SWEET, SWEET SLUMBER HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU.
-Day 3-
50. Today is Sunday, the Lord's day, and to celebrate as such we will christen the morning with mimosas. Bless up.
51. Mm. Warm orange juice. This has gotta be European or something.
52. Shorts under my sun dress = major key. Why aren't skorts a thing anymore? Can we bring that back?
53. Saint Motel canceled because of wind? Seriously? You better get this stage going by Leon Bridges...
54. Okay just because you put up the Prince symbol on the screens doesn't make it okay.
55. Time to warm up at Conner Youngblood. He's nice to look at.
56. Oh my goodness THERE IS A DOG ON STAGE. Can the dog sing? Can we pet him??
57. Yo La Tengo has to be the most fun name to say out of this entire lineup.
58. Wait, no no no you can't cancel Leon Bridges...Why GOD why, ON YOUR DAY?
59. Go to the hill at 8:15? What's on the hill? I feel like I'm being told to go see two middle schoolers fight or something.
60. This is no fight; it's LEON! Everyone sit down and shut up or I will hurt someone.
61. I am far too close to everyone right now considering our hygiene, but I've never been so overjoyed. God bless.
62. Bro to my right, most likely tripping, a tear streaming down his cheek: "This is the most beautiful shit that's ever happened to me."
63. Crowd attempts to whisper sing-a-long to "River." Leon invites everyone to join in. Crowd promptly forgets half the words.
64. Mac DeMarco is actually pretty good looking in like a stringy drop-out kind of way. That teeth gap is totally endearing. I wonder if he can smoke a cigarette out of it?
65. Damn, totally bummed I missed "Salad Days." Does this make me basic?
66. Main stage is back and Alabama Shaaaaaakes are on! Take that, wind! Nature: 1, Sasquatch: 1.
67. Three words: Brittany. Freakin. Howard.
68. Ah Purity Ring, so many sparkly crystals! At least I think that's what they are, I left my glasses back at camp...
69. *Trying to convince my friends that The Cure is not 80 years old* *The Cure walks out* Well, I mean, some aged better than others...
70. But they sound the same! Another miracle! Now if only I knew more than like, 5 songs.
71. This is a 2 hour set? I'm beginning to doubt how I ever endure regular concert durations.
72. Okay, time to warm up/wake up at Bauuer before running far, far away.
73. There are a lot of youths around me. I never thought I'd say that.
74. My dear friend Chloe is literally asleep right now. Standing up. At Bauuer.
75. 15 minutes before Big Grams, to wait or to head to the cozy confides of our tent...
76. Tent wins. Tomorrow is a new day. I'll see Big Grams this summer, thank god.
-Day 4-
77. Last day. Let's make the most of it. Starting by eating and drinking everything.
78. Okay wind, I know we told you to leave, but now it's actually way too hot so...
79. Update: Son Little should be called "SUN BIG" because it's actually an oven out here. God that was a bad pun. I should just leave now.
80. It's worth the sunburn, it's worth the sunburn... Why did I bring sunscreen that expired 6 years ago? Wait, dude with that water misting hose, come back here!
81. Julia Holter has the most incredible hair. I'm actually convinced she's a mermaid.
82. More youths again, the kids are so hip and happening these days.
83. Are you 14? Why are you grinding? Stop that, please stop.
84. There is literally no better way to half-nap than listening to Borns while lying on a grassy hill at the world's the most beautiful venue.
85. Brb, admiring Garrett Borns's beautiful androgyny. Can I borrow that shirt?
86. I love that they're covering David Bowie's "Heroes," but now I'm just emotionally drained. What a rough year for music losses :(
87. Currently at SOAK. Is every Irish person gifted with an incredible singing voice?
88. Bridie Monds-Watson: "My first fear coming to America was getting kidnapped by an eagle, but now that I've heard about the snakes, I think it's the snakes." Girl, same.
89. X Ambassadors just covered Prince's "Purple Rain" and everything is right in the world again.
90. Oddisee is already a million times better live than A$AP. Mad props to the instrumental ensemble too.
91. Grimes or Wet, Grimes or Wet? Alright, it's gotta be Grimes. Missed her in 2013, won't miss her again. First show here going solo, woo!
92. Why didn't they have Wet and SOAK play at the Hydration Station, aka the water bottling area, aka our life saver? That would've been perfect.
93. Alright, I didn't expect this many parents to be at Grimes...
94. Is she just really nervous or on more Adderall than a fraternity during finals week?
95. "This song was written with my friend Aristophanes who's a Taiwanese rapper and you guys should really check her out, she's awesome and usually she raps in it but since she's not here I'm going to rap it in Russian! It's called SCREAM!"
96. Wow, that was a lot of screaming. The parents are still here though. Mad respect.
97. And now she's sitting on the ground banging an electric guitar with a drumstick.
98. They do look like they're having so much fun up there though. Gurl power. Honestly, I'm jealous. I can't hang.
99. Is this... a synthesized version of Ave Maria?
100. Currently getting a history on the Yoruba language from French-Cuban duo Ibeyi. Incredibly badass.
101. How did I only just realize they're twins?
102. Dearest Sufjan Stevens, please please just play sad folk shit from 2003-2005 and not this new turn up noise.
103. Wait, first angel wings, then tribal print, then aluminum foil, and now balloons? This identity crisis is literally transcending materials faster than I can keep up with...
104. Is that a small Asian child on stage? Can someone help her?
105. I can't tell if this is just really high concept and I'm not getting it, or if it's actually as bad as I think it is.
106. Okay, time to recharge and rethink life after being forced into an existential crisis by Sufjan. Goodbye, sweet sad boy folk prince, hello confused neon electric bro :(
107. Thank god for Florence to bring us all back to enlightenment. My body is ready.
108. I swear she must be some fairy queen goddess. I feel like she'd be the coolest aunt.
109. WHY AM I NOT IN THE FRONT ROW BEING KISSED BY FLORENCE RIGHT NOW? #regrets
110. I'm not crying, you're crying!
111. I am going to have zero vocal chords tomorrow and it's all worth it.
112. Honestly if she started floating into the air right now and disappeared into an angelic cloud of red butterflies, I wouldn't even be surprised.
113. How do I even go on with life now? I feel so fresh and strong and pure and like every heartbreak I've ever had was worth the pain because now it's mended. Is this what baptism feels like?
114. Feeling gone. I think a bug just flew into my nose.
115. Ah Jamie XX, you dashing young thing. Just when I thought I was tired of dancing.
116. But now I just want Romy and Oliver Sim to come out too... They've really gotta put out another album soon.
117. You can't just sample "Loud Places" for 30 seconds, what? Don't play with my heart like that, Jamie. Maybe this is just a DJ set?
118. COOL so now that I'm in line to leave, you play it. God damn it.
119. Tomorrow is going to be so rough. I just got acclimated to living in the wilderness. Do we have to go home?
120. Where are my car keys?
With my disposable camera used up, my ears ringing, and a mix of dirt and glitter under my fingernails, we hit the road Tuesday morning at 8:30 am, and made it to the airport by 3. The journey home was a little quieter, a little sadder, and definitely more tiring. Sasquatch has a knack of completely wearing you out in the best way possible. We saw a total of almost 50 bands and artists during that 96 hour duration, more than I'd seen in the entire year! And better yet, so many newer artists that I'm definitely going to keep up with. My first year at Sasquatch, Macklemore was barely known and played the smallest stage at the venue. I wouldn't be surprised if next time I attend, one of these smaller artists will have worked their way up to the main stage. And there will be a next time; Sasquatch, I'm not done with you yet. Thanks for the memories.
Update: After Wikipedia-ing, Diplo is in fact a dad. His kids' names are Lockett and Lazer. How fitting.